Regretting Hemorrhoids

Upon seeing a billboard for hemorrhoid treatment...

• Aiden (10):  What are hemorrhoids?
• Sarah:  They are like those veins that poke out on some legs, except they are in your butt.
• Aiden:  I immediately regret asking.

If You Want To Kiss Chloë...

...you have to be of age.

• Chloë (5):  There's a boy with spiky hair who asked for a kiss at the gym.
• Sarah:  Really?
• Chloë:  He wasn't cute-cute. He was diaper cute.

Dinner and Dancing

• Chloë (5):  Daddy, when I'm done cleaning can we dance together?

Pizza Crust

• Chloë (5):  I like the pizza bones.

Wii Bit Of Back Pain

• Aiden (10):  I feel like an old man.
• Robert:  What?
• Aiden:  Because my back hurts.
• Robert:  Why?
• Aiden:  From boxing the Wii.

Picking Boys

• Chloë (5):  I like this one best.

On Room Cleaning - Part 2

Read Part 1

• Sarah:  What the heck is all this under your bed?
• Chloë (4.5):  That's just old crap you don't need to look at.

Birthday Girl Forever

September 6th was Chloë's 5th birthday.

• Chloë (5):  Will I still be a birthday girl tomorrow?
• Robert:  You'll be a birthday girl until you go to sleep tonight.
• Chloë:  ...*disappointment sinking in
• Robert:  But you'll have another birthday next year.
• Chloë:  I get ANOTHER one? YES!

Hello Kitty Fashion

• Chloë (4.5):  Mommy, I saw some girls with really cute hello kitty shirts. I think they are pretty good at fashion.

Accessorizing For Fashion

• Chloë (4.5):  *Wearing every accessory she owns "Did I make fashion?"

Being Helpful

• Robert:  I'm glad to hear you were such a good boy while I was at work today.
• Aiden (10):  Yeah, Chloë spilled crumbs on the rug, and since I saw mom cleaning the house all day I just decided I should sweep them up for her.

3rd Grade Report Card

Some of the best things I've ever read. Aiden's teacher also told me that he is one of the kindest kids she's ever had. She's right.

"It has been a pleasure to have Aiden in class this school year. He is wonderful, intelligent, and well-liked by his peers. He sets high expectations for himself and works hard to achieve them. I will miss him very much! Aiden thrived in higher learning activities and worked well independently and in small groups. He has strong leadership skills and I look forward to hearing about his future successes as the leader that he is. In reading, the grade level goal is 110 wpm, he read 155. On the math benchmark he scored 96%. Based on his scores, Aiden is advanced in all academic areas and he has exceeded third grade expectations. I have enjoyed having him. Good luck on 4th grade!"

Faith Like A Child

• Sarah:  God knows every hair on your head.
• Chloë:  Yeah and he knows all the places in the house where Archie pees too.

Real Clowns

• Robert:  Look at that guy dressed up as a clown.
• Chloë (4.5):  He didn't want to get dressed up...he just dressed normal. That's how clowns dress.

On Room Cleaning

*Clearly overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task:

• Chloë (4.5):  I just can't take it anymore!

What Dad Does

• Aiden (9.75):  The only thing Dad has to do is tell me what to do, go to work, and do the taxes.

Coming Back

Upon arriving back from vacation, Sarah was greeted by a big hug from Chloë:

• Chloë (4.5):  Don't worry Mommy, I'm still a little girl!

How Snow Is Really Made

• Chloë (4.5):  Look Mommy, God is stomping on the clouds!

To Trade A Penny For A Rock

While standing at the edge of the fountain, eyes closed ever-so-tightly so as to furl her brow, a single penny given to her by her mother pinched fast between two little thumbs and two tiny fingers, held closely to her pink lips just near the tip of her nose, her wish would not - no - absolutely could not be wasted. Everything in her life had come down to this singular, penultimate moment. And with a faith like none other and an earnestness that only a young child can muster - that is - without a care for what others will think,

She wishes the wish of all wishes.

"I wish that my most sparkly diamond daddy will always be my rock."

With that, her penny is not hers anymore. She knows what she must do if she is to do her part to seal this most important of deals. Then, with her possession still clenched in her two fingers between her two hands she opens her blue eyes. With lashes spread wide and the heave of a deep breath, she casts her magical token of hope and dreams with everything she has. Everything. As if her very life depended on it. Pushing it away from her body she lets go to watch it splash, twirl, and sink to a place where it will be kept safe until the time when the transaction should occur. And with the confidence that comes from a deal well-struck with her mother by her side, she leaves to go find her rock.

And though she remembers committing her penny to the fountain only moments ago, she listens when her sparkly diamond daddy tells her he knows where it went and that it will be safe forever.

And with an approving kiss, she believes him.

This Is Not Santa's Fault

• Aiden (9.5):  Santa brought you half of a door? Whatever.

 

Stick-on Mustache

Veggie Day

• Aiden (9.5):  Can this day get any broccolier?

All In How You Look At It

• Aiden (9.5):  Are you stealing my ranch?
• Chloë (4):  No, I'm just dipping your ranch.

Willie Nelson

• Robert:  Look how old he's getting.
• Aiden (9.5):  Yeah, he looks like Sasquatch.

Not Supposed To Like It

While eating her Subway sandwich she noticed an onion:

• Chloë (4):  Here mom, you eat this onion. I'm still just a little kid. I'm not suppose to like onions yet